Logan's Legacy

Last year, the Sunday Post had a big launch for this years Kiltwalk's, teaming up with 'Oor Wullie' as the new face.  Reading that paper, Ross suggested doing 3 Kiltwalk's - Glasgow, Edinburgh and Speyside.  I hastily agreed, and had my own suggestion - doing it as part of a team for Logan's Fund.

We always wanted to give back to Logan's Fund, just hadn't had the chance yet.  About March 2010, while stuck in hospital with a temperature in isolation for the umpteenth time, I was searching on the internet for a holiday for the family once Isla had completed her hospital treatment.  Someone had suggested the charities that granted wishes for sick children, but searching showed that Isla wasn't old enough to be eligible for this.  Someone else suggested fundraising myself to raise the money needed for our family holiday, and so my first blog began.  We were overwhelmed with the support and donations received (and still are), and one donation in particular.  We were contacted by Logan's Fund offering £3000 towards our holiday to Disneyland Paris!

Logan Reece Main was born on 16th January 2006, a much longed for child to Angela and Chris.  In August 2008 Logan developed swelling in the abdomen, and he was admitted to the local hospital and immediately transferred to Royal Aberdeen Children's Hospital with a diagnosis of Neuroblastoma.  Like many children having treatment for cancer, things didn't go smoothly.  Logan hardly got home.  An operation to remove the tumour was complex, and planned to happen in Great Ormond Street Hospital following further chemotherapy.  While researching possible treatments for Logan, his parents discovered other treatment that Logan could have abroad after the tumour removal, but these would be expensive, and so Logan's Fund was established to raise the money  needed.

Although Logan wasn't often well enough to get home, nothing fazed him.  He was a much adored child and patient of the hospital.  I never got to meet Logan.  When Isla was diagnosed in April 2009, we spent ten days in the hospital in Aberdeen before being transferred to Yorkhill.  That time spent for me was spent in a room with Isla with the door shut to the outside world.  Ross stayed in the parent accommodation at night, and would pay visits to the cafe for coffee etc, and had a chance to meet other parents going through the same as us.  Ross met Angela, and discovered her son Logan also had Neuroblastoma, like Isla.

When my mum came to visit us that weekend she'd brought the local paper with her, while flicking through I was drawn to a story.  The story was about Logan, and the fundraising to get him treatment abroad.  I remember the surreal feeling of reading a story like that, with the reality of the situation in our ward, and in our lives.  Many people will be like me, and be drawn to stories like that in the newspapers, and this time the story was close to home, we were just like these people in the papers.  You don't ever think that will happen to you.  It's not the natural order of things; children getting cancer.  You think it happens when people get old, or smoke too much etc.  Magazines and newspapers had been full of the story of Jade Goody, losing her battle with cancer, shocking enough when cancer effects young women.  While pregnant with Isla, two friends were also diagnosed with cancer.  The truth of people 'not old' getting cancer was now reality for us.

Once we'd been in Yorkhill for a while I contacted Angela, as she was the only other person at the time I knew with a child suffering Neuroblastoma.  She was able to offer support and advice.  Unfortunately, it wasn't long before Logan lost his life to the terrible disease.  Isla had turned a corner, and we were full of hope, and the reality of what could happen came with news of his death.  Logan received a great send off, he had touched the hearts of many in his short life.  When we returned to the hospital in Aberdeen, photos of his happy face were a welcome sight on the ward.

I kept in touch with Angela, and as I said we were overwhelmed with the offer of money for a holiday from Logan's Fund.  It had been decided to keep Logan's Fund going, in his memory, using the money raised to help other children and families in a similar situation.  Logan's Fund have donated to the Schiehallion Ward in Yorkhill, MFR Cash for Kids, CLAN (Cancer and Leukaemia in the North), Families Against Neuroblastoma, to help buy suits that enable children with a hickman line to swim.

Logan's Fund also started an annual family fun day, held in Lossiemouth every August.  The fun day raises money to donate to charity.  In 2010, money was raised for FAN, in 2011 for Make a Wish and in 2012 for the Neuroblastoma Alliance (NCCA).  This years one will be held this Sunday 25th August from 12 - 5pm, with a car boot sale at 10am.  So, if you're in the area, please do pop along!

Logan's Fund have helped families with a child affected by cancer, and want to continue to do so.  Fundraising in the name of your child is not an easy thing.  You share things, hear things and answer peoples questions and it's difficult to do that.  Being a family affected by childhood caner is difficult, people who you have become friends with through the shared experience suffer terrible loss.  Angela and Chris have suffered their own loss, yet want to keep Logan's legacy alive fundraising and supporting others.  In gratitude to the support they offer, we wanted to give something back, so one way is doing the Kiltwalks for Logan's Fund.  If you haven't yet donated to us, please consider a donation, so that Logan's Fund can continue helping others, leaving a lasting legacy of a beautiful wee boy.

To donate to our 3 Kiltwalks for Logan's Tartan Army, you can do so here:

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=simpsons4logan

Or to donate to the team doing the Speyside Kiltwalk for Logan's Fund, you can donate here:

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=LogansTartanArmy2013&isTeam=true

The big day has arrived!

I've just sat down at the computer after eating my breakfast, I've uploaded this mornings photos to the computer, and I'm sat here now trying to make sense of the many emotions I'm feeling just now.

Today is a big day for us - Isla's first day of school.  I'm a little bit lost without my best friend at my side, supporting each other.  Ross is a few hundred miles away across the North Sea on his first stint with his new job.  I know he'll be feeling lost being so far away from her.

I keep thinking back to a comment that was made to us in hospital over 4 years ago, when Isla started to get better after being seriously ill, when she started smiling and making happy sounds after weeks of lying unwell with a cry or a moan as her only sounds.  The doctor said to us "bet you never thought you would see her smile again", or something to that effect.  I was thinking, I never thought I wouldn't.  What was harder to imagine for us was her being just like lots of 4/5 year old's in Scotland today and going to school perfectly healthy.

No smiles, having been through a lot just a month from diagnosis.

We were lucky that after Isla pulled through from her first couple of chemotherapies, suffering multiple infections, being close to organ failure, suffering with chylous ascites, the rest of her treatment was easier.  It wasn't a breeze, but we never had the scary times again that we had at the start of treatment.  We will always be so grateful to the care Isla received on Schiehallion Ward at Glasgow's Yorkhill hospital.  They really did look after our baby girl, carefully getting her through the worst, so we could experience the best.

When walking the Hampden Kiltwalk this year, we had to walk through the grounds of Yorkhill, once I got round to the front of the hospital I couldn't walk fast enough to get out of there, so many memories came flooding back, I'm sure that's why I experienced a panic attack later on in the walk.  I was taken aback at the emotions that were triggered just walking through the grounds.

We spent a lot of time in hospital that first year from diagnosis, and many times after being allowed home from hospital or after a clinic visit, our time at home was cruelly robbed away with mysterious temperatures, infections etc and back to hospital we went.  When our stays in hospital did come to an end I treasured all my time at home with Isla; enjoying our days just sat cuddling on the sofa with a DVD, baking, adventures, lunch out with daddy.  Ross has been lucky that he's got to spend a lot of Isla's life with her too since having terminal leave with the RAF.

Since the day the C word entered our lives, I vowed to take life 'one day at a time'.  It gave me the strength to get through the worst.  Maybe it's why I never really imagined today up until recently.  I've been scared to picture today in case it was cruelly taken away from us, like it has to so many of the families we've got to know.  Unfortunately too many families suffer from a diagnosis of childhood cancer, and the worst happening.  I can never think of our journey with Isla without thinking of all the other families we've met, and what they've had to go through, and the loss they've suffered.

We are extremely grateful to the universe that we've reached today and Isla walked into school without a care in the world or a glance back at mum!

Ready for her first day of school.

I'm going to enjoy the afternoons this week, before Isla is full-time at school next week.  I know how lucky I am that we're getting this time together.  In less than two weeks time I'll be doing my third Kiltwalk this year, and my second Speyside Kiltwalk.  The walk is not easy, but I know it's easier than Isla's journey, and so many other children and their families suffering from illness and loss.  I will think of that when I'm struggling on my walk.  I will be reflecting, it will get me through, hopefully Ross will be home to be at my side, supporting each other.  The Kiltwalk is exactly that, supporting families suffering with childhood illness in Scotland.  Hopefully, many families like ours will know the support of the charities that the Kiltwalk helps, and many families will also realise just how special a first day of school is.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=simpsons4logan

New jobs, new house, new play group, new child minder, new life! Oh and it's scan week.

Last time I blogged I was telling you a bit about our training for our first kilt walk and our impending house move.  A few days after the last blog I started a new job in a different school.  I did hit the ground running the first week, and it's hard to believe I've been there 5 weeks now.  Isla had started her new playgroup the same day and new child minder that week, so we had a lot of running around the countryside for the first two weeks until our house move, and change to adapt to.  Six days after starting my new job I took part in 2013's first kilt walk from Hampden to Loch Lomond.

I'm going to do a separate blog on the Hampden kilt walk when I get the chance.  Ross and I completed the 26 miles (28!!) for Logan's Fund along with my Dad, Brother and 3 of his friends and Cameron Mackintosh from Logan's Fund.  I know there were others walking for Logan's Fund that day, so it was a great effort by all.  Three days after the kilt walk and we received the keys to our new house.  Unfortunately the house wasn't clean enough to move into, with carpets needing shampooed and other jobs, so we spent the next few evenings after work cleaning the new house and moving some boxes.  On the Saturday, Ross and two of his friends moved all the furniture and large items in a hire van while I ran the car (in engine safety mode) back and forth across the countryside once more with boxes.  We did achieve a lot that weekend moving enough to live in the house, but it was tiring (not having recovered from our walk!).  Luckily I was allowed a day off work for a house move, so was able to finish emptying and cleaning the military quarter we were in, in time for the official 'march out'.

Then it was officially Ross' last day in the RAF, and then job applications, interviews and college deadlines for him.  Luckily, I wasn't travelling too far for child minding or work.  My eldest started her study leave after the May Day bank holiday.  Weekends have consisted of sorting things out in the house and car.  Unfortunately the cooker doesn't work in the house, nor does one of the showers, so everyone in the household has to use our en suite just now, while we have to shop for new items etc in any spare time.  

The internet and phone was supposed to be turned on a few days after we moved in, but the order was cancelled (something to do with previous owners not having notified of house move when I had), nobody had told me, so the order was not actioned again until I phoned to enquire why we weren't online!  I did manage to get online with mobile internet, but it wasn't great, and not good enough for those people studying.  One time I did manage to get online, I read of the very sad news that another local cancer warrior who was in hospital at the same time as Isla, gained her angel wings. She was a special girl, who had endured so much, I know she leaves a big hole.

The new job has been busy with me in various roles, and sorting/gutting out rooms, helping with exam arrangements and researching new courses to offer pupils for the new curriculum.  I have achieved a lot in a short space of time.  Isla, thankfully has settled into her play group and child minder, like she has always been there, which is a blessing.  I did manage to squeeze in my blood donation the other week with just enough haemoglobin.  

Ross received a job offer, and started work last Monday, so he is currently away from home Monday to Friday on a ten week training course and plans to come home at weekends.  While the timing has not been ideal, it's great that Ross has not been out of work long and his new job sounds really interesting.  Having my other half away from home has been a little stressful, dealing with everything and keeping everyone organised, but it will be worth it.  Isla was upset during the week, missing her Daddy, as he has been her main carer since September while I have worked full time.  However, I think she'll adapt, she gets to speak to him every night on the phone, and clings to him when he does get home.

So, just yesterday, it was our second kilt walk of 2013, four weeks after Hampden (again, will do a separate post).  Originally we had planned on doing the full walk again of 26 miles.  During the Hampden kilt walk, Ross was really struggling with pain in his knee for the last few miles.  Ross had been involved in a few accidents in his time, and has had lots of broken bones, and as a result suffers from aches in some joints.  Ross felt at the time, that he just wouldn't be able to do the full walk at Edinburgh.  While I had struggled at Hampden, I still wanted to complete the full walk at Edinburgh.  But, after a lot of consideration, and a lecture from my mother, I decided I would stick with Ross to do the half walk.  After a very busy month, the last thing we wanted was to exhaust ourselves completely in time for this week.  While I have felt guilt at just doing the half, I know I've had to keep some of 'me' in reserve.

This week, Isla returns to hospital for her routine scans.  I have managed to get a couple of days off work, with Granny stepping in on Wednesday (Maths exam day at school).  Unfortunately, Ross has a busy week at work, with apparently, the most intense week, and lots of assessments.  He has managed to get Friday off work, in order to sit his final exams at college.  I know he's going to be a complete 'stress head' this week, with lots of studying and wondering how his little girl is getting on, and stressing over the fact that he's not with her for the first time.

You could say I'm a little tired with all that's happened in the last 5 weeks, and I am a little stressed with the change and impending scans, as I know Thursday will be a difficult day with sedation and her MIBG scan.  

I have settled into a new job, watched Isla settle into her new playgroup and childcare, settled into our new home, completed 2 kilt walks, thought about how another beautiful soul who has left the earth, coped with the changes to hubby's work life, so let the 'scanxiety' begin!

Kilt Walk Training

As usual it's a long time between posts.  Our training has been sporadic lately due to the stress of buying a house!  We should have been getting keys to a house on the 29th of March, then the date was changed to the 12th April (tomorrow), now the date has changed again to the 24th of April.  I had visions in my head of getting the house move done during the school holidays, but this hasn't happened.  Instead just some packing and cleaning.  After stressing about it, I've just given in to it, it's out of our control and we'll get it eventually.  It would have been ideal to move in the holidays, as I'm starting a new job near the house and Isla is due to start her new pre-school.  It just means extra travelling for 2 weeks.  Life has dealt us worse blows.

Back to training.  One recent walk that we did was the 16 miles from Fochabers to Aberlour, just like one of the walks for the Speyside Kiltwalk and the one that we did last year (see earlier post).  It is definitley not an easy walk, there's not much flat, either up or down hill with some corkers of hills at Cafally, Boat O' Brig and Ben Aigen.  My Dad who has just turned 70 joined us, and it's fair to say he's much fitter than us (still working as a Builder's Labourer makes sure of it).  My Dad is joining 'Logan's Tartan Army' for the Hampden Kiltwalk and possibly the Speyside one too.

One thing that has NOT been enjoyable on every single one of our walks has been the weather.  It's always cold, sometimes wet, sometimes windy and sometimes snowy.  I'm just thinking that we're definitely due the sun on our actual  Kilt Walk's.  If not, we're used to walking in bad weather is still nothing compared to what sick kids have to put up with.

The walk out of Fochabers up to Ordiquish

 Snowing up the hill.

 My view most of the walk.

 Spring Lambs

 Ahead for once after Boat O'Brig

 The difficult part

 The magnificent view

Dad happy, we've done the climb.

 Criagellachie - the home stretch

Nearing the end!

The Speyside Way is not an easy walk, and we'll try to get plenty training done throughout the summer before the Speyside Kilt Walk so that it's not so difficult, although during the summer there is planned work at Ben Aigen so a diversion will be in place.

When we walk we use an app on our phones to track distance, speed etc.  We've discovered that although we have identical apps, Ross phone is more accurate, mine must pick up my GPS less, and ends up cutting a couple of miles off my walk as a result.  We have one more large training walk to do before our first Kilt Walk on the 21st of April.  The weather has been forecast to be nicer, I'm hoping that will improve our speed.  It's only 10 sleeps until our Hampden to Loch Lomond Kilt Walk, and 4 weeks after that we tackle the Edinburgh Kilt Walk.  We have a good gap before the Speyside one in September and lots of opportunities to tackle the Speyside Way, and hopefully no more snow on the route!

I will try to blog again before our first Kilt Walk.  If not, this is what my 70 year old Dad will look like at Hampden stadium doing the Slosh!

Oh, I almost forgot, we're still looking for donations.  You can do so here!

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=simpsons4logan

Endomondo Walking Workout

Endomondo Walking Workout: was out walking 12.77 miles in 3h:51m:46s using Endomondo.

February

Thought it was time for an update.  Despite numerous 'bugs' attacking the health of our household this month, Hubby and I are managing to get out for training regularly, missing one weekend.  I have come to an agreement with Cerys, one of my older daughters to babysit for a fee, so far this is working well!

The weather when we're off out has never been great.  Wind, cold, sleet, rain etc.  I guess we've lived in Scotland long enough to be used to this, and on the days of the Kiltwalk's the weather could be terrible and it still wouldn't stop us.

When out walking we've been using the 'Endomondo' tracker on our phones so that we can track our distance, speed and time allowing us to increase the amount we walk each time.  I've shared our last walk on the previous post, although the distance is not accurate as it couldn't pick up the GPS for the first while, hubby's endomondo tracker had a difference of 1.5 miles for the exact same walk.

Our walk on Sunday took us on the Speyside Way from Fochabers to Spey Bay and back again.  A lovely walk, that's almost completely flat, and a different terrain from our previous training walks which have been from Elgin to Lossiemouth on the cycle path and pavements.  There were a few rain showers on Sunday, but it didn't feel too cold walking, I think I'd put too many layers on!  Walking the Speyside Way helps us to familiarise ourselves with the route we'll be walking in September for the Speyside Kiltwalk.

 My Walking Companion

 The Dolphin Centre at Spey Bay - Pit Stop

 Wearing my t-shirt, and keeping warm!

 The view of the Spey mouth at Tugnet

 The mosaic at Spey Bay that we helped to make while in 2nd year at school.

Near the end of our walk.

I've managed to avoid blisters on my feet.  The combination of good walking boots and thousand mile socks are working.  Next time, I'll also be putting moleskin/podiatry felt on my feet as this helped me avoid blisters on last years Kiltwalk.

Hubby also had Isla at her oncology clinic this week.  This was the first time I wasn't at her check-up, but with me working full-time, having had a sick day the previous week and Ross at college part-time it made sense for just Daddy to take her.  It didn't stop me thinking about her all day, even when Ross had texted to say that everything continues to be well, with no signs of disease.  Isla has a regular abdominal ultrasound every three months, and gives a urine sample to be tested for signs of Neuroblastoma.  Isla enjoys her visits to hospital as long as there's no jabby things, and luckily for her they didn't want blood's this time.  

Endomondo Walking Workout

Endomondo Walking Workout: was out walking 9.89 miles in 3h:05m:01s using Endomondo.

Logan's Tartan Army Kiltwalk's

Like the last post, it's been a while.  I last blogged in September after I'd finished my course.  I found out in December I passed so that was a great relief, and makes it worthwhile to have kept on when at times I wanted to give up.  I have been busy working Monday to Friday since then.  A return to full-time work since I went on maternity leave with Isla in August 2008.  I have worked a few days each month since January 2011 when Isla finished treatment, but my focus was Isla, and I enjoyed spending my days with her, selfishly.  Financially, it was extremely tough, but worth it.  Ross is now on terminal leave from the RAF, and is a part-time student, so it's a role reversal in our house at the moment with him at home most days.  I am absolutely loving the work I'm doing at the minute, and I can see my attitude has changed due to what we've been through.

We're at an 'interesting' point in our lives where Ross will soon be looking for a new job, and we'll be looking for a new house.  I don't know where we'll end up, but I do enjoy living where we are just now, whatever will be, will be!

When I last blogged, there was a number of fundraising events going on for Isla's appeal.  These are all now finished.  We're leaving Isla's online donation page open, incase we need to start fundraising again, but not encouraging anymore fundraising for her at this present time.  Isla remains very well, infact better than we had been led to believe all last year.  Just over a year ago, we were told that they weren't happy with the state of Isla's liver, and if there was no improvement in a year, they would order more tests to assess her.  During the scans throughout the year, when I'd asked how her liver was I was always told 'stable' or the same.  When Isla had her liver review in December we were told that Isla's liver was healing nicely and that she had been left with scarring but that her liver was working normally around the scarring.  While we were delighted with the news, I was also upset that we'd been led to believe all year that her liver was not repairing!  Never mind, it's good news.  Isla has now been off treatment two years, and doing amazingly well.  There's not a day goes by where I don't count my blessings at how lucky we are to still have her with us.  Last week, we registered her for the local primary school, that is going to be an emotional day in August!

So, with fundraising for Isla now on the backburner, we decided we needed to focus on something else.  We knew we wanted to do the Kiltwalk again this year, it was such a well organised and supported event last year, and so accessible being on our doorstep, we planned to do it again this year.  When the events for this year were announced in the Sunday Post last year, Ross daftly suggested that he'd like to do three of them, and being as daft as him, I thought 'why the heck not?!'  When we decided to do the Kiltwalk last year, it was all a bit last minute, and we liked the idea of organising a team to support a charity, but knew we didn't have time to organise that.  So this year, we knew which charity we wanted to do it for.  My brother also mentioned that he wanted to do the Hampden one, so when I asked if he was willing to do it for the charity we chose, he was happy to do that too.

The Kiltwalk is all about raising money for Scotland's children, with the partner charities focussing on such.  We both decided that we wanted to support Logan's Fund, a charity close to our hearts that we will always support.  Logan's Fund was set up during 2009 to raise money to take Logan Main abroad for treatment for Neuroblastoma.  Sadly Logan lost his battle in June 2009.  With the remaining fund, his brave parents Chris and Angela decided to keep going with Logan's fund in support of Neuroblastoma and other childhood cancer's in Scotland.  When we decided to fundraise to take Isla to Disneyland Paris at the end of her hospital treatment in July 2010, Logan's Fund came forward to offer us £3000 towards the cost, for this we will always be grateful.  It is not only for supporting Isla that we will be grateful, it is for having the courage to keep fundraising in Logan's name and supporting other families in similar positions, in particular Olivia's family, it must be incredibly difficult to do.  www.logansfund.org 

In honour of Logan, his family and all those families who have been through childhood cancer, we are undertaking three Kiltwalks for Logan's Fund, with 50% of our fundraising benefiting this charity.  The remaining 50% is split between the Kiltwalk's partner charities.  We are inviting people to come and join our team for each one, so far we have 7 people for the Hampden Kiltwalk, 4 for Edinburgh and lots of interest for Speyside.

I have thought often about changing the name of this blog, as the 'slim' part never seems to be happening, but it is a goal that I hope to achieve at some point, so I will leave it as it is.  I had given up on the gym during last summer when I was trying to get on with my coursework, but I'm back at it.  Training in the gym is where I'll stay until the weather warms up a bit, I really can't stand the cold when exercising!  With training underway I'll leave the blog at that just now, and if you're feeling generous, this is where you can donate
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/simpsons4logan